


tell me it gets easier.

by anathcma



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Aftermath, Angst, Character Death, Depression, Eventual Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Loss, M/M, Regret, Soulmates, Suicide, Triggers, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-27
Updated: 2018-03-27
Packaged: 2019-04-13 12:06:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14111976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anathcma/pseuds/anathcma
Summary: "YOU. WIN. you beat me. is that what you want to hear?" the riddler snapped."that isverynice," ed mused, tightening the rope around his throat, "but i still have to do it."and he did.





	tell me it gets easier.

**Author's Note:**

> piece inspiration: [easier - mansionair ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ja9IUKElT5w)
> 
> this was a nightmare to write.
> 
> the events that occurred with with edward in 4x14 hit so close to home.

oswald paced in his cell, counting the mere seconds.

"where. is. ed?" he leaned up against the wall, staring out into the warm orange tint of the nighttime lampposts. 

"did he not understand my letter?" he bit his knuckle softly, but with worried desperation.

he eventually sat down on his rigid bed and rubbed his face tiredly.

it must have been two o'clock in the morning.

his head fell slightly, falling asleep.

sirens wailed in the distance.

oswald perked his head up and lay down.

"come on, ed. you're still there." he whispered to himself.

and drifted towards the void of unconsciousness.

both of his eyes opened slowly, there was no way he was gonna be able to sleep tonight.

"guard?" oswald asked quietly.

"ah, shut up, penguin." the tall man outside the door chuckled.

oswald huffed silently.

"can you have jim gordon pay me a visit?" oswald inquired, feeling a bit doubtful.

the door opened a few feet down.

"no need." someone said.

"jim, why are you here at three in the morning?"

"oswald." jim said, a tint of sorrow in his voice.

oswald feared the absolute worse.

"jim?" oswald croaked, his throat closing up.

"oswald, listen," jim stood outside of his cell, "i need you to sit down." 

"what's going on?" oswald whined.

jim rustled his own keys around, fiddling with the cell door, then walking in and sitting on oswald's bed next to him.

"it's about nygma." jim confessed.

oswald stared at the ground in front of him

"your former chief of staff." jim exhaled and look at the ceiling.

"wh-what's wrong with him? i- is he here?" oswald frantically searched for an answer.

"i'm afraid not," jim began, reluctantly, "he's not coming to visit again."

"of course." oswald scoffed.

of course he wouldn't come back, he's still the ice-brained idiot he was when he came the first time.

how stupid of him to think he had another chance.

"still the same ol' vengeful ed." oswald mocked, shaking his head, rubbing his face with his hands.

"oswald, that's not what i meant." jim said.

oswald turned his head, and tilted it at jim.

"what do you mean..?" oswald asked, confused.

"he's gone." jim admitted.

"he left gotham?" oswald remarked.

"no. oswald. he's gone. he's not alive." 

"what do you mean he's not alive? i just saw him earlier!?" oswald's heart beats became irregular.

his body shook violently, it wasn't true, it can't be.

"i got a call," jim started, "we found him, uh- he wasn't breathing, he must've been gone for a few hours before we could get to him."

oswald froze.

"i'm so sorry, oswald." jim put a hand on oswald and patted his shoulder.

jim got up and walked out of the cell, leaving a dazed oswald behind and shutting the door.

"jim, what did he die from." oswald said sternly, staring at the cracks in the floor.

jim turned his head.

"suicide." he said, and kept walking.

it hit him like a train that broke even the light barrier.

oswald felt his whole body go weak.

he melted into the floor.

being mutilated would hurt less.

edward nygma, his ed, gone.

and by suicide? that's what really set afire to his heart.

something preventable.

it wasn't like barbara or sofia killed him, even though it would warrant a certain death in return.

it was his own doing.

"i could've saved him, i tried." oswald assured himself between broken sobs.

how could the riddler not have deciphered the letter?

why did he not understand?

the riddler was not a seperate entity, oswald knew he was trying to get through ed's head to the state it was before he was frozen.

the riddler _is_ ed.

he almost forgot edward was dead.

oswald should not be upset.

this was the same man that shot him in the river, left him for dead.

but this was also the same man he devoted his entire heart into.

the bullet wound doesn't matter, it was well deserved.

after _everything_ they had been through together.

oswald loved him just as much as that night in the mansion.

oswald struggled to lean against the bed, remaining on the cold floor.

he needed something to hold onto, his whole world was just swept from under him.

he needed ed.

in the span of four short years, he's lost his mother, his father, his empire, fish, martin, and now ed?

everything came crashing down onto him.

everything he has ever loved has been ripped from his clutches.

his eyes hurt, all of the moisture in his body seemed to seep into the cracks in the ground. 

oswald lay his head on the frigid concrete, and passed out.

he had hoped this was all a dream.

\---

"wake up, pengy poo!" a familiar voiced fought it's way to oswald's subconscious.

oswald groaned.

not again. 

"come on, we're busting your butt out of here."

oswald sat up, squinting at the annoying ginger in sight.

"i don't feel like it." oswald sighed, wiping his eyes.

"come on, we gotta save your green bean and the little kid!" jerome chirped.

oswald stared.

"oh wait." jerome paused.

"hahahaHAHAHA." he laughed like a maniac, making oswald's ears ring.

"your green bean hung himself didn't he. shame, look's like the kid's gonna kick the bucket as well." jerome cackled.

that sparked a burning flame in oswald's body, he trembled fiercely.

"DON'T. TALK. ABOUT. ED." he spat, grabbing jerome by the collar of his arkham uniform.

"osw-" jerome coughed out, feeling a bit dizzy.

"i'm going to KILL you!" oswald huffed, crashing jerome onto the cell floor, wrapping his cold hands around his neck.

"please do." jerome smirked, gagging slightly.

"shut up!" oswald hissed, tightening his grip.

oswald felt the life dissipate from jerome's body.

"wait," jerome gasped, reaching in his pocket, "this was d-delivered today."

oswald eased his grip and snatched the paper, his legs still on opposite sides of jerome, pinning him down.

he read the name on the letter and lost it.

he slipped off of jerome, slamming into the floor, reading on his side.

**_dear oswald,_ **

**_i forgive you, for everything. when you came to me that night, when you were hurt. you were everything i wanted to be._ **

**_you saved me, when butch attacked me, you could've let him kill me, but you didn't._ **

**_on the couch, when the clock struck midnight, when i said i would do anything for you, remember._ **

**_i'm so sorry we even let this happen to each other._ **

**_i didn't love isabella, i really didn't._ **

**_only because she looked like kristen._ **

**_who knows if she was even real._ **

**_i'm sorry i tried to kill you._ **

**_i knew you loved me, i did._ **

**_i couldn't read the situation well, it wasn't as obvious to me._ **

**_i thought i was smart._ **

**_if you would've just told me._ **

**_i can't feel anything anymore._ **

**_it's too much._ **

**_i have to save lee and you, i don't want to hurt you._ **

**_i don't even know who i am anymore._ **

**_i love you, oswald._ **

**_\- ed_ **

it could have been from the riddler side of ed, but that didn't matter.

it was still ed.

there was nothing he could do.

oswald sat in the corner of the cell, tears melted the skin on his bones.

jerome had crawled out somehow.

the cell opened halfway.

martin poked his head in.

oswald gasped and martin ran to him, hugging oswald on the ground.

martin let go and started writing something on his pad of paper.

he showed oswald, smiling, but a tear falling from his cheek too.

_**ed broke me out.**_

oswald cracked a tearful smile.

"how?"

_**he said not to tell, but he said he's proud of you.**_

oswald picked martin up and held him, crying into his neck.

martin gripped onto his back, leaning his head on oswald's shoulder.

"he would be so proud of _you._ " oswald cried softly, hugging martin tighter.

martin nuzzled his head against oswald's.

oswald refused to let go.

they seemed to stay there forever.

_forever._

**Author's Note:**

> i'm so sorry.


End file.
